Asparations

I have been told my entire life that I am a dreamer.  This is not entirely true.  “Dreamer” implies that I prefer to think about my ambitions rather then seize them.  My life has been fraught with setbacks–financial, health, and gender related–but I have always managed to bounce back.  When I first told my family about how I would not let my transition effect my career, my mother replied “but that is so male of you”.  She was obviously being crass with me, as she herself is a lawyer, school board member, magazine editor, and the worst cook I have ever met.  Her joke aside, I think she inadvertently pointed out something that runs very deep among transgender people: More often than not we (and I use we to refer to transgender people in general and not myself specifically) find ourselves enslaved by our own stereotypes. 

When someone who was raised male dreams of being a woman, a specific image often comes to mind; most transsexual women I have met have said as much, and for a long time I was just as guilty. This would not be a problem except our world is still one defined by gender stereotypes.  The vision of the 1950s Americana housewife is no longer the norm for women today, but that image still sticks to our culture like an overused piece of chewing gum.  And for that reason, any initial image of femininity that a transgender person envisions will invariably be a stereotype.  I decided that I would just not transition if I was be doomed to become a housewife or a teacher, but I digress.  The point I am trying to make is that transgender people tend to act and present in a way that is more feminine or masculine then they feel personally compelled to. 

Part of it is overcompensation, and this is most obvious in our choices of clothing.  While most people would never wear plaid flannel or pink floral dresses on a daily basis, It’s gotten to the point where I can oftentimes spot a trans* person based on their choice of clothing alone.  This is not a real problem, but that people will do the same thing with their personalities is.  Many trans* woman are passive and quiet, sometimes totally enveloped in their transition.  Some of them have an air of resignation about them, as if they have accepted the fact that they are second-class citizens and always will be.  Transgender people should never settle for less because of their gender, and should never have to change their personality because of what society tells them a woman or man is.  And also, no more pink floral dresses.  This isn’t just for transgender people, but for everyone.  Just don’t.

The message “be who you are” resonates loudly throughout the LGBT community, especially among trans* circles.  But what about after you start being who you are?  It always drives me crazy when people never think about what comes after their transition.  For many, the only dream they will ever have is that dream of becoming the man or woman or what-have.  I adamantly believe that anyone, no matter what or who they are can only do their best when they aim for something greater.  Transgender people are no exception.  We should not aspire to be men and women.  We should aspire to be great men and great women.  And so should the rest of the world.