I am writing this upon hearing the fantastic news that Coy Mathis, a eight year old transgender child from Colorado has just won the right to use the girl's bathroom at her school. I am incredibly happy for her-she has done something truly wonderful, even though she might not realize it for years to come. As happy as I am for Coy Mathis, I have also found myself exposed to some of the nastiest things the internet has to offer. I don't know why I read comment sections of these articles because I know they will only make me angry, but alas, I do...I thought I would offer my take on what is being said.
Coy Mathis is a girl. She looks like a girl, she feels like a girl, and she knows she is a girl.
Coy Mathis is also transgender-But my question is this: Does she really know what it means to be transgender? Her parents have been totally accepting of her identity, and her brother and most of her friends have as well, but this situation at her school is proof that most of the world will not be so warm towards who she is. Coy was only six years old when she began her transition, and I have no doubt that she was, is, and probably will continue to see this as the right thing to do. I have no doubt in my mind that she knows she is a girl. I believe that she has every right to be herself. Two things about her situation do bring out some reservations on my part though. Firstly, while she probably not going to outgrow this, it is quite possible that she might. People change a lot over the years. This is not enough however for anyone to deny her a gender transition. It's the second reason that bothers me more.
When I first began to take hormones, I had to undergo something called "informed consent". My doctor spent about an hour going over the potential consequences, complications, and other related issues with what I was about to do. Coy was not informed of the potential consequences, complications, and other related issues of what she has undergone. She has no idea that statistically speaking, there is a one in twelve chance that she will be killed in cold blood. She doesn't know about the stigma on people like us. Does this mean she should not be able to transition? Of course not. But do I believe that she should be aware of all of these things before her transition is facilitated? I do.
There are some children who are born to be dancers. I'm not talking about your sis at her ballet class-I mean children who truly have a gift. They are graceful, strong-and from a young age, they train. They train under the guidance of their parents and teachers, and that training becomes their life because they have a gift-and because most often these children love to dance. They train and train and train-they go to conservatories, and eventually, some of them become great. Some of them are able to transcend the limits of their art. They are masters of movement, and their mastery is celebrated for the world to see. Most of them are not. Most of them find themselves with a lifetime's worth of mastery in their art, and nowhere to use it. The only thing they are qualified to do is dance, and most of them will never earn a living wage doing it. I am bringing this up because I believe it is wrong for a parent to sign their child over to ballet before cultivating other skills, other interests, other futures. If you sign your child away to this future at six, then she will never imagine a different direction for her life, perhaps until it is to late. What if you made your child wait? What if you continued to allow them to dance, but made sure they did well in school? Rather than telling they would be a dancer, telling them that they could be whatever they wanted? And then, once they are sure, after years have passed, and they understand the odds against them, then they take that leap of faith.
I don't mean to say that Coy Mathis should have to endure years of agony. She should have been allowed to wear the clothes, and play with the toys she wished. But I do not think her family should have facilitated her transition until they were sure that she knew what she was doing-Coy could have waited until she was ten, until she was twelve, until she was an age when she could understand what hate was.
All of this being said, I'm happy for Coy. She seems happy herself, and that's enough for me.
The real issue I have is with her parents. It might have been a bit optimistic for her family to facilitate her transition they way they did, but nothing bad has come of that, so I am happy for her. What they did that was not OK was publicly identifying their daughter. Coy Mathis will carry this legacy on her back for the rest of her life. To me, and hopefully to whomever reads this, that legacy is a great thing-but for some, it is not. In twenty years, when Coy is applying for a job, all her prospective employer would need to do is type her name into google, and all of a sudden, her entire history would be laid bare. Some people won't care. Some will. Coy will never be able to avoid disclosing this aspect of her life-it is set in stone, as a part of her permanent digital footprint. I think that the fact her parents were so carefree and nonchalant about not only naming but providing pictures of their daughter is irresponsible, and could potentially endanger her, and prevent her from having the opportunities she deserves. The world knows that Coy Mathis was born a boy. She has been outed in a way that is permanent and irreversible.
I have my reservations. Anyone reading this will have theirs-but the fact remains that this represents one of the strongest legal precedents for the transgender movement in history. There is now a court decision which says (paraphrased, of course) "Transgender children may use the same bathroom as every other boy or girl without worrying about something everyone else barely notices". This is a great moment for us. Coming on it's heels will be the largest step forward or backward for lesbian, gay, and transgender couples in history, and I hope that the Supreme Court makes the decision to do the right thing, and to end up on the right side of history. For now though, Coy Mathis and her family have managed to change the landscape for me and people like me everywhere. And I think we can all agree that's a good thing.
