Genderqueer identities and how to explain them to your straight friends

The face of the transgender community has remained about the same ever since it's genesis.  Mr. Jones takes a week long trip and comes back Ms. Jones...or, the broad shouldered, dark skinned and deep voiced ten buck prostitute on the side of the road if you are especially unlucky.  For that reason, when I was first exploring a trans* identity, I felt very constrained, because the definition of "transgender" seemed to mandate that I either have a sex change operation and return as a typical housewife in a pink floral dress or become a prostitute (the latter being slightly preferable, but my fear of a slow AIDS related death and dislike of dirty bedsheets really spoiled the deal).  The public view of transgender people does not allow same-gender attraction, a more masculine or androgynous way of expressing that identity, and the idea of a transgender professional seemed like a peyote induced hallucination.  For that reason, I had to look outside this limited view.

Most transgender people at some point in their life looking at an image of their ideal self, the person they most want to appear to be.  Most cis people do it too, though I don't think it holds the same significance.  For most transgender people, it's a model, or a wife, a local beauty.  I have not met any trans-women (myself aside) who had anything else in mind.  For me, things were different.  I was never  drawn to ultra-feminity.  I have worn a dress only once in my life, and I plan on keeping it that way.  Ever since my mid teens, I became obsessed with music from the 1980s and late 1970s-sleek, strong, and bold.  Performers like Annie Lennox (of the Eurythmics), Pat Benatar, David Bowie, Boy George, and Prince.  These people challenged gender norms, not because of some internal identity, but because they wanted to and because they could.  Even Madonna tried her hand at androgyny in the early nineties-it was her best look by far.

These performers fascinated me because they could challenge the gender binary and become something nether male or female, but none the less beautiful.  And that's when I first heard the word genderqueer. 

I knew that I identified as female, there was no doubt in my mind of that-it was not my identity but my ideal expression of gender that mandated I find something else that could let me defy the gender binary, but still from a female perspective.  I think I first heard of "genderqueer" while reading a pamphlet, or perhaps a footnote in a book.  This was an identity that was neither male nor female.  Society does not define a genderqueer identity.  A genderqueer person is able to choose what they want to be.  It offers almost total freedom to defy the gender binary and to create something uniquely yours.  I was hesitant initially for several reasons, which is why I (at first) decided just to be a transgender woman, no questions asked thank you very much.  For one thing, most genderqueer people I came across were biologically female.  I somehow felt that I would not be welcome.  Also, I have never been especially fond of gender neutral pronouns, as they would require I share this aspect of myself vocally to everyone I met.  But enough of my anecdotes.  

The idea of an identity that is not male or female tends to confuse people, especially people who have never violated the gender binary.  

Let's say you're at a pizza place.  There are two kinds of pizza on the menu-one with meats, and the other with vegetables.  Most people are perfectly happy with the two options...and that's great for them, but some people like both meats and vegetables.  Some people like goat cheese and carmelized onions with a balsamic glaze and roasted garlic, and end up having to make their own.  That is what genderqueer is-it's the freedom to define your own gender without having to look at a menu.  It's the right to decide what you are, and act on it in any way you choose.  A genderqueer identity is absolute and total freedom.

I've adopted a genderqueer identity because it gives me options.  I can identify as female, take proper steps to alter my physical body to better suit that identity-but at the same time, I can cut my hair as short as I like.  I can wear the clothes that I want to without worrying wether they are too masculine or feminine (which I've seen a lot of trans* people torture themselves over).  I do not have to identify as female or male.  I am closer to female than male, so I just go by "she" for convenience, but both don't seem to fit me, and being nether does.  I feel pretty sheepish writing this, because all of this is perfectly obvious to me, but for some reason the idea that people can only identify as two things when they can express that identity in an infinite number of ways seems very unfair to me.  And that's why I'm genderqueer.

For any readers:

I've taken a lot of heat lately, mostly unmerited and coming from radical feminist groups...I've been doing my best to try and have a civil dialog, but I really can't manage much more of this.  If you are not going to ask me an honest question, or raise a real concern (commenting on my sexuality or identity is not a real concern) I need to ask that you just not post.  I started this blog for the transgender community, and all of this arguing is just giving me a bad name and wasting all of our time.  If you are not trans*, do not have a serious question, or do not know me personally, I will most likely not be able to respond to your future comments, and if they continue to be degrading to myself or any other transgender people, I will be forced to take them down.

If you don't have something nice, interesting, insightful, positive, or funny to say, it's probably not worth posting.

Thanks

Make a Statement

Firstly, I would like to thank the minority of people who have come to this blog with an actual interest in what I have to say.  I would also like to thank (though to a lesser extent) the number of thoughtless radicalist biggots who have made this place their playground-Three hundred visitors in half a week is no mean accomplishment for a blog that is less than a week old.  Regardless, as a very large bit of my faith in humanity has been crushed in the past few days, I think it's only right for me to address this issue.


A friend of mine, who I will keep anonymous for the sake of their privacy mentioned to me a few days ago that an incredibly offensive and senseless radical "feminist" site had left this person feeling quite upset...sensitivities aside, this site is absolutely horrible.  Not only is it biggoted, but also senseless, poorly written, and lacking in even the most basic informed points.  If you are reading this, I encourage you to tell the writer of this blog just what you think...

Anyways, I visited this site with the intention to reason with these people (in hindsight, time would be better served wrestling a ten foot grizzly bear), and left a level-headed message that would have probably been met aggressively but not with the sheer hostility I faced based on account of a clumsy mistake I made...you see, I had recently retired my newer personal email following a personal crisis that mandated I discontinue that email address, and instead used my old email address from a few years ago, which is under my former name...I still use it for registering things, old accounts, basically anything that could result in spam.  Well, within a few seconds, I received a response, refusing to recognize as anything but male, and calling me a liar.  After responding by explaining why I was using said email address (with one exception however-I did skirt around the trans bit, these people are not the nicest bunch) I received a huge backlash, ranging from the occasional well-said point to wild accusations that I was a rapist, mentally challenged, autistic, a gay MALE, a prick, a liar, ugly, stupid, and a number of other really crude comments.

I was not initially too bothered by this-but then, a poster who only identified as "anonymous" managed to post most of my entire public digital footprint-everything-facebook pictures, this blog, my linkedin account-everything in a manner of seconds.  From there, things went from ugly to really ugly, as I was berated.  I left the site, but a decent number of readers managed to find their way to my site...and began to post very nasty comments.  If you want to check it out yourself, go to the entry titled "on passing"-for those of you who want to feel angry right this moment, here are a few of the highlights:

"But we'll see. I do have a few friends at Purchase. Have fun at school!" 

"PS-I'm sorry about your dick" 

"You think you are in control?"

Just for you.  (this one is a link)

"Don't call yourself female. That is just stupid, and it is an insult to those of us who are actually female."

"I feel sorry for you because you couldn't hack it as a man and chose instead to claim to be female."

"You are not a feminist. You are a delusional male who tries to pass himself off as a woman. Don't believe me? Look in your pants!"

"Or maybe people do humor you, calling you "miss" or whatever to your face, and then laughing about the effeminate guy after you've left. Have you ever considered that, or does your delusion prevent you from critical thought?"

"you were lying on that blog about being a female... once the link to your FB profile and photo were posted, there was no doubt at all!"

A very pleasant woman, yes?  Apart from her stalking and the fact that I have repeatedly asked her to cease and desist, she has continued to post offensive video clips, rude statements, and other nasty nuggets of hate.  I was slightly flattered to find out that one of the most notorious enemies of the trans* community has decided to attack me personally!  

Cathy Brennan (often writing under the name bugbrennan) is a radical among radicals.  Her exploits include Outing teenage transgender people to their schools, holocaust denial (the link to which she has removed), Bringing the full wrath of the FBI down on anyone who does not share her views, and  creating this artistic masterpiece.  Very pleasant, no?  Ms. Brennan refuses to back up her arguments with any facts, instead preferring to make broad blanked statements, and eventually resorting to bashing other people's character.  Despite being a registered attorney in the state of Maryland, she repeatedly stalks and then publishes vast amounts of personal information-while no such provision against this exists at this time, were I under eighteen she could face a year in prison.  

I think it's time we take the fight to her-if you are reading this, I implore you to call 410-336-9857, and let her know that we have had enough-tell your friends to do the same.  This woman is a cancer, trying to destroy everything we stand for (and, might I add, being quite petty, as the average 40-something attorney has better things to do with their time).  Cathy Brennan cannot continue to attack people this way-let's let her know that.

The Danger of Radicalism

Radicalism has always been a pervasive force since the beginning of recorded history.  The different breeds of radicalism-diffrent as they are-all share a common root: Fear.  When we are threatened, we become willing to do things we would normally never consider.  Rome surrendered control of their military to a man who would become their emperor.  A faction of radical german politicians were able to seize the entire country by convincing it's people that they were under threat (and given the economic circumstances, they were not entirely wrong) leading to the second largest confirmed mass murder of all time.  Fear of the United State's military presence and support of Israel, which has long been seen by its neighbors as an autocratic threat to their sovereignty coupled with a resurgence of islamic fundamentalism drove a small isolated pocket of militants to hijack for airplanes and kill three thousand innocent people who had absolutely no part in their plight.  Radicalism is, at this point in time, one of the greatest threats to our democratic society-because at it's core, this response to threat consists of two, central tenants:  Firstly, that the ends almost justify the means, and Second, that anyone who does not agree with the radicalist is an enemy, and is dehumanized.

The pervasive influence of radicalism is a threat to any central, mainstream cause for reasons.  A radical will almost always demand that the entire system, the entire structure, the entire world change to reflect their wishes, regardless of what the majority (and often basic human morality) deems right.  The radical does not care about the well-being (and at times, the lives) of those that disagree with their cause, and will see fit to attack people who sometimes are not even aware such a cause exists.  Finally, the radical is singlehandedly able to detrimentally impact the credibility of an ideology-if you don't believe me, just compare the pre and post 9/11 tolerances for islam.  If one apple is rotten, then you might as well burn the whole orchard.

I am going to address a very specific breed of radicalism now, and it is with a heavy heart that I do so.  I am not nearly as phased by a radical who disagrees with my cause as one who stands for something that I do as well (or, at least generally speaking, as details tend to be where the disagreement starts).  I am referring to the Radical school of Feminism, which has become a misguided attempt to dismantle an existing social structure, all the while turning more and more people (especially men) against the feminist ideals.  Radical feminism is defined by the belief that all men profit from, desire, and even enjoy the oppression of women.  To them, any organization with male leaders or even male menbers is a direct threat to their way of thinking.  It has been criticized for it's lack of further insight to other forms of oppression, and operates under the assumption that a rich, white female lawyer has less privilege then a black man living in a ghetto.  Furthermore, these groups are attempting to disarm the entirety of the LGBT liberation movement on the grounds that it has been run by (you guessed it !) men.  In essence, the radical feminist claims to seek equality between the genders, but is actually itself incredibly sexist, and misogynistic.  But their worst offenses in my opinion have been their attempts to dismiss the concept of gender identity as the product of a patriarchal society.

There are a sickening number of people in the world who dismiss the concept that gender is not a fixed thing, but a concept that can be changed.  The most disappointing of those are the radical feminists who claim that it is their peroative to change the current gender norms, but if anyone else does the same, resorts to using words like "rapey prick" to describe people who are just living their life, not harming anyone else, making their own decisions about how we should live our lives.  The fact is that you cannot both truly believe that traditional gender stereotypes are incorrect, and that anyone who does not fit into the binary is somehow less then human.  These ideas are a contidiction, and people cannot possably belive that both are true do not have any idea what gender actually is.  Radicalism is the enemy of every cause under the sun because at the end of the day, we're all human-but to a radical, that is simply not true.