On The Trans* Community

The transgender community saved my life.  I'm sure that most trans people would say the same-isolation, confusion, desperation, despair-these become the pillars of your life when you finally realize what you are, but find yourself powerless to do anything about it.  It is one of the cruelest ironies I have ever known: The day I finally realized that I wanted to transition was the day I felt the deep, yearning desire to actually do it.  It seems that ignorance is bliss, but the only way to mend the wound from that first, piercing shard of truth is an ocean of knowledge, a repertory of experience that can fill in the gaping hole of doubt.

When I first began looking for myself, I ironically gravitated towards the genderqueer label, not because I thought wanted to be nether male nor female, but because at that point in time, the only concept in my mind was what I wanted to be like, and not who I actually was.  I found gendertrender.org, and took to it right away (please note that I am referring to an online organization dedicated to providing a safe space for non-binary individuals, and not the radical feminist cesspit of bigotry, which can kindly @%$@ itself with it's own gloved finger).  The people I reached out to there really seemed to care that I found out who I was-they pointed me toward a few resources for trans* people as well as a number of blogs run by non binary individuals.   Meanwhile, back on earth, things seemed a bit better-not because they actually were, but because I had found the headspace I needed to sort out my own life.  It wouldn't be a year until I even considered coming out because of the hostility that was receiving at school for being "gay"-ironically enough, at this point in my life, I have self- identified as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender all within a two year period.

Digital technology is truly an amazing human achievement-it allows a disabled boy to become an action hero, an elderly widow to realize that she will never truly be alone in the world, and for a then-meek teenage slip of a girly boy ( yes, I DID just watch hedwig) to be herself.  I would occasionally converse online as female, and it gave me a chance to feel relief.  A year later, I finally worked up the courage to go to an LGBT youth summit, where I met some of my dearest friends today, and more importantly became absolutely sure what I was going to do about these feelings (namely, act) and act I did.  Things moved quickly from there.  I changed from the petrified kid sitting in the corner of the trans seminar at a youth convention to somebody who knew she (she being the operative word) was right.  I embraced the transgender community, closely followed every new development on Wipe Out Transphobia and becoming utterly obsessed with tumblr.  In college, I even began to help run the transgender advocacy group-and it was around the time that I decided to cast away my labels.  The moment I did that, everything came into sharp contrast, and I bitterly had to accept the fact that the entire community was flawed.

I am a rationalist.  I am liberal, but I am violently opposed to extremism, of any sort.  I believe what is rational, what I know to be right.  When I decided that I would be my own person, all of the little things that the transgender community was doing which were flawed.  The most innocuous blog posts were treated with utter hostility if they did not contain trigger warnings.  As much as a simple mistake on the part of a news organization regarding pronouns became a capital crime.  Any joke involving cross dressing was called "hate speech"-while I DID harbor a deep hatred for ABCs Work It, it was because it was terrible and not because it offended me.  Every time I called myself Queer, I would start a flame war.  And once, when I commented on a posting of a tragic murder, saying "she was beautiful, it is utterly terrible that her life was cut short the way it was" I received a ten hour lecture from what seemed like every trans person on Facebook about "beauty culture" and how the only reason I think she was beautiful and cared is because privileged men told me to.  When I said that I was an artist, that I loved beauty is all its forms, I was told that I was frivolous and that I had no right to comment on such issues.

The fact is, the only reason why I have any right to have a rational discussion is because I am an artist.  I made up my own mind, I came to these conclusions myself.  I realized that I did not need to live in perpetual fear of rape, and that it was the product of a male culture; feminists fail to realize that anyone who is not a body builder feels uncomfortable outside late at night, and that me telling people to put a shirt on is not an issue of oppression, but because I happen to think that anyone, male or female going topless is just a bit tasteless.  I found that while many of the inequalities pointed out to me existed, many more did not.  Ace Ventura never conditioned me to hate transgender people, no more than Jon Stewart's self deprecating jokes taught me to hate jewish people.  The fact is, if the transgender community is going to achieve their goal of equality for all, they need to stop attacking Richard Branson for wearing red a dress and start focus on issues like health care access and the accept the fact that HRC is not deliberately hateful, simply incompetent.  Gender is not just a societal prison, or a construct-to me, it is a playground, and in the long run should not really be such a big deal.  The Burj Kalifa is not a giant phalus to me, it is something incredibly beautiful and inspiring.  And gay jokes can be really, really funny if they're told the right way.

The truth is that I love the transgender community.  It means well, it does all it can to help its members, and sometimes can make a real difference when it lets go of things that are not all that important.  There is nothing I want more then the trans* community to prosper as a powerhouse for what is right, but also as a voice of reason.  The sooner that transgender people can realize that they are living proof of the fact that gender really does not mean as much as we think, and that it can be whatever we make of it, the better the world will be.  And the sooner they believe it, the sooner the rest of the world can as well.    The sooner they can just let go, the better.

-Lisa K

Please let me reiterate that I totally support the ideals of trans equality, but also what is reasonable, like allowing a few jokes every once in a while.